Wednesday, February 1, 2017

The Self Esteem Bully

I wake up one morning and my first thought is: "I can't do this..." I have no energy. My creative juices are gone. There is nothing left. I don't even have energy enough to keep my home tidy and nice. How can I expect to have energy enough to work and run my own business if I can't even take care of my every day life? That morning I feel rather useless. I feel blue.

My self esteem bully sits firmly on my shoulder and bangs on my head. Tells me I'm a looser, a failure. He says I'm a nobody. That whatever I do it isn't good enough. He says I'm a disappointment... "Look at her. What has she become? What can she do? Nothing!" he says and laughs with a nasty voice.

That morning I wish for a new sunrise. A new day. I wish for energy and strength to get through this lousy, lousy day of self doubt. I could pull the blanket over my head and sleep it away. Or I could get up and get busy. This is the turning point. It all depends on the decision I will make in this moment. Surrender or fight?

I get up, take a long shower and cry a tear or two. I get dressed and have a cup of tea. I sit down and then I collect enough strength to push that bully off my shoulder. He falls to the ground and runs away with his hairy and dirty tail between his legs and a weight is lifted from my shoulders. "You little rat", I'm thinking... "You nasty little bully - piss off!" I smile in triumph, filling myself up with a fresh new breath while he disappears into nowhere... I can do this. I can. And I will. I've already done it. I'm actually doing it. Right now!

I treat myself some new tulips. I shake off pressure and expectations. I do small things around the house. Small things in my office. That day I do only small things because no big things are needed when you have a lousy day. I give myself a break. I tell myself he is wrong that bully. I tell myself "Look at everything you have accomplished; your family, living abroad, a successful blog, your pattern shop, your life!"  And I nod in agreement. I have skills. I can do a lot of things. I work hard. I love with passion. And I do things good. I matter. I am good enough. And I am somebody because I am me.

The day comes to an end. I go to bed with hope in my heart. The next morning I wake up to a new sunrise. To a new day. It looks a bit brighter than the day before. And I feel stronger than the day before. And the bully? He will come back. He will continue to challenge me. He always does. I just need to stand up to him. Push him away. And every time I do so, I will grow stronger in myself and I will do just fine.



Kärlek
Annette


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39 comments :

  1. Glad you told the bully to go away... Big Hug... Willeke

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  2. Hi Annette, Oh I do identify with days like that. Well done for pushing that
    uncivilised, hairy bully off your shoulder. I think Mums feel invisible sometimes, the we you do is unquantifiable in many ways (although of course we do lots of jobs!); however, you affect the people around you in myriad ways...some of those have yet to reveal their benefits, it will not be till far into the future! So just keep doing what you're doing ~ like you say.
    I'm quite new-ish to your blog
    I've enjoyed reading ...look forward to more. I would love to see Switzerland,
    My kids are grown up, and I love Sweden, (not been there either yet).
    I am learning Swedish..
    Jag onskar dig en bra dag i dag! (hope it's right)

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    1. Hej Alex
      Din svenska är riktigt bra. Jag är imponerad. Tahnk you so much for your sweet words and I hope you will enjoy hanging around my corner of Cyber World. Keep on studying, you're doing great with the Swedish!
      Xxx

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  3. Such a GREAT, INSPIRING post, dear Annette ! THANK YOU for that :)
    We all know that bully, and you put just the right words on it, and how to react. We're all little "soldiers", little "phenomenal women" - as Maya Angelou so beautifully wrote in her poem... And sometimes it's just so much soothing to read a friend's blog and find the exact words you needed to start a new day :)

    BIG friendly (((HUGGS))) Annette !
    XOXOXO
    NADINE

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  4. We all have those days my friend, you are not alone. IF one of your children was having a hard time, what would you tell them? Tell yourself that and treat yourself with kindness. You are doing wonderful with all you have on your plate, be loving and kind to yourself.

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  5. The thing is, you HAVE achieved a lot. Some of us haven't and still have to keep going.

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  6. When I have days like that I try to tell myself that without those challenging days, the great ones wouldn't seem as special. It appears you have many accomplishments to be proud of :) (don't forget that awesome Christmas video you made!)

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    1. Thank you for your sweet words. It is true. I achieve a lot of things every day. Need to remind myself about that in hard times.
      Xxx

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  7. Good for you for pushing him off your shoulder. You have a lovely blog, I always enjoy reading it.

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  8. Well done for being strong. You really are very accomplished, I'm glad you managed to triumph over the doubt. I understand it very well, in fact I'm having one of those days today. I was feeling positive, then overnight it all vanished. Nothing had changed really, except inside my head. Thank you for reminding me that it's not just me that gets these feelings. Off to be positive and press onwards now. Wishing you a good day and lots of positive energy. You're a star Annette and you achieve so much, don't forget that. CJ xx

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much dear. I think we all have our weak moments. As I grow older I have come to accept having a blue day instead of beating myself up about it. There is always sunshine after rain. Always... Thanks for popping in today. And stay strong my friend.
      Xxx

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  9. We all have a shadow, you call it bully, other people demons. ... but that shadow together with our light is what make us a whole being, our flaws along with our merits and virtues make us who we are, so embracing and accepting that wholeness is what makes life easy :)
    By the way, I love your work

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    Replies
    1. So true. Thank you for your thoughtful words.
      Xxx

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  10. This is simply wonderful. Wonderful. Thank you so much.

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  11. Ah! When you kicked the dirty bully off your shoulder, he skipped across the Pond, came to my house, took a flying leap and landed on my shoulder, lol! Well, I'm going to shrug him off and do a few small things today. If I can bag all of donations that have overrun my foyer and get them in the car to be dropped off tomorrow, I'll feel that I've accomplished something. So, I have the doors open to a beautiful, sunny, spring-like day, there's a lovely breeze, the birds are singing and the sky is blue. Gee, I'm already feeling better! Here's to the hope that the self esteem bully finds a black hole to disappear into!

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    1. Ha ha ha! I can see him! Shrug him off and go outside where the sky is blue and the sun is shining. Always! :)
      Hugs
      Xxx

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  12. Hi Annette... Oh, that bully and I do battle on a regular basis! I hate him! But on days like that, I always say to myself, "Start with the laundry." Putting a load of clothes in and listening to the homey sound of the washer and dryer as they do their cleaning magic is soothing. Then I make the bed. Sometimes that starts me on a roll, sometimes it doesn't. Today is a hard day as a matter of fact. I think I will go put a load of clothes in. Smiles from Maryland, USA. Maureen and Josephine (the cat)

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    1. Sounds like you know how to handle the bully as well. Laundry always help. I do it too. Thanks for sharing.
      Xxx

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  13. Confidence and peace are hard won states of mind. The fact that you are aware that your thoughts ar just that, thoughts. They are not who you are and you can acknowledge them and then move them on. Your writing will inspire others, they may not comment but they may well absorb your meaning and find a way to move their thoughts on as well. We would not be human if we didn't have doubts and fears as well as ability and confidence, it just takes brave people like you to shout out and say, " look at me, I am not always perfect but I am doing fine" and others can take some strength from that. Keep up your writing, you are doing great.

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    1. Thank you for those words. I think the bully visits us all but not often do we talk about him. I think it is important to put him out in the light, to show that we are all in the same boat at times. After all we are only humans and we do the best we can.
      Xxx

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  14. I get fairly frequent visits from the bully too, especially through the winter. All we can do is keep telling him to piss off and pick ourselves up again. When I feel really bad and don't want to do anything, I make a list, not of jobs to do but of jobs done. I put anything and everything on the list that I do that day to show me how much I have achieved. At my lowest it was 'had a shower', ate breakfast', 'went for a walk' but it was three more things than I would have achieved if I'd stayed in bed! Well done for kicking the bully's butt!

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    1. Hi Karen
      That is a great idea! Love the list of achievements. I will start one right now. Thank you!
      Xxx

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  15. It is a common feeling. We need to value what we have, doesn't matter if we are working at home or in office. We have to be forgiving to ourselves. Our self expectations are high. And it is always ok to cry a little once in a while, feels better after that.

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    1. Absolutely. I'm an emotional and sensitive person and I'm happy to be so. A good cry always helps. Thanks for visiting today. :)
      Xxx

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  16. Yep! You absolutely did the right thing! Told the bully to be off, taking one step at the time, doing small thing that matter too and taking care of yourself! Don't let life get the better of you!

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  17. Yes that bully will walk all over us given half a chance won't he? I'm glad to know at least that I'm not the only one who receives his visit and I'll try to remember you and how to kick him to the curb when he next calls on me!

    S x

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    1. I guess he has a purpose... He makes us stronger. :) Kick him hard next time he walks over you.
      Xxx

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  18. Oh I hate feeling like that. It really helps to know that I'm not alone!
    Your blog is wonderfully inspirational x

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    1. Thank you so much. And big comfort hugs to you. Right there with you.
      Xxx

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  19. Love it! How refreshing to read that we all have to deal with self doubt - and that there IS light at the end of the tunnel...

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    1. I think the bully visits us all at some point. And there sure is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep your head up high. Thanks for popping in.
      Xxx

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  20. I think we all can relate from time to time, we can be our harshest critic. Sending positive vibes your way.x

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  21. Hi Annette,
    You can write this down so beautifully. I hate the self Esteem bully (like everyone) and sometimes I have the feeling I will never win any fight with him. Especially lately when he kicked my butt so many times. But then I see your post and I read it. I know that I'm not alone and that we can beat the self esteem bully. Annette, I hope you can kick your Self esteem bullies butt ;-) I'm gonna try.
    Have a nice evening.

    Sweet greetings from Holland,
    Emily
    (casacreaemilia.blogspot.nl)

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  22. I know that... You rightly describe that. I am very impressed by the way you reacted,I find this very beautiful. Best regards from France

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  23. Hi Annette,
    Sorry to hear that you have been feeling a little down lately.
    Think of all the great things you are...you certainly are pretty and always look bright, wearing those lovely crochet bits and bobs with beautiful rich and bright colors. Your blog always cheers me up, the writing is amazing and looking at the wonderful photos of your daily life and the adventures of your family puts a big smile on my face. You are so organised to do this blog alone. Then there are the patterns and the crochet. I have a crocheted baby blanket I started about 2 years ago which I intended for two different friends babies!! It is still only a quarter of the way through and the edges are wonky!!!! You achieve so much. Look at all the beautiful things in your life.
    I know that bully can be strong, I have suffered very bad depression all my life. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and shut out the world I get so tired of feeling no one likes me that I shut myself away. So I know how hard it is to shake it off.
    Take care, sending you a friend hug from uk Julie xxxx

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Thank you so much for visiting my world. I love reading your comments and I do my utterly best to respond to questions and sweet messages. Thank you again for popping by.

Kärlek
Annette

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